We seem to have a serious ant problem this year. No, not the kind in the clever Geico commercial that uses the homophone about annoying female relatives telling you the contents of your fridge is expired, the annoying ones that traipse across anything that’s not moving. Beware sleeping pets and snoozing spouses!

In a kind-hearted gesture, I trapped the first few in a glass and moved them outside. I didn’t put tracking tags on them, but I’m pretty sure those same exact little suckers came back for seconds and thirds.  So I’ve had to resort to more drastic measures.

To “invite” them to depart from our premises, I purchased a case of ant bait. The instructions assured me that the little critters take the poison back home, thereby killing the entire colony. I suspect the ants are too smart for that. Instead, the colony hears the ant with the poison picnic coming, and they all stampede in a beelineantline straight to our house to escape.

I proposed the idea to my husband of putting a sugar lick in the yard, similar to salt licks for deer, to keep the ants outside, but he assured me this would only ensure more would visit, leaving little sticky (Paw? Foot? Leg?) prints on every surface.  I ditched that idea.

But now, the problem has magnified. As I was doing research on one computer monitor, out of the corner of my eye, I caught the cursor on my other monitor moving all by itself. Shifting my gaze to the second screen, I was horrified to realize that if that ant had his way, he’d be editing my text. 

So my husband went out and bought a pack of ant traps to put on the exterior of the house, and those seem to be helping.

All I’ve got to say is, lucky for the ants that we’re low on chocolate right now, or I might be tempted to see if I have the “refined and adventurous palate” (Amazon’s description) that might allow me to enjoy these “chocolate covered delicacies.”  In a slight twist of idiom, I say, “If you can’t beat them, eat them!

“P.S. Just kidding! I don’t think even desperation would make me go that far!