Thanks to Sir Isaac Newton, we have a whole set of Laws of Motion. Apparently, there are some laws humans can’t escape, although they may be open for interpretation, especially when applied to humans rather than inanimate objects.

Take the first Law of Motion, for example. You could loosely describe it as “a body that’s at rest wants to stay at rest unless blasted out of place.” 

This is so true, especially on weekdays. What human in his or her right mind would leave a nice, warm, cozy bed without the gentle honking of a bullhorn alarm clock?

For the life of me, though, I cannot figure out why that rule seems to have an alternate and opposite rule for weekends. On a day when you can sleep in, why does the human body respond to that invisible 6 am ejector button that’s not even attached to an alarm clock?

The second rule, “The rate of change is directly proportional to the amount of force applied.”

This rule seems to strongly apply to gas tanks where there are teens in the house. Let your teen borrow the car for even a half hour, and I guarantee the gas tank level will respond like you’ve driven to Niagara Falls and back three times.

I have yet to figure out why the third rule, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” does not seem to apply equally to men and women, especially when it comes to thermogenics. 

A guy puts on a long sleeve shirt because he’s chilly, and the shirt acts like a coat. A woman puts on that same long sleeve shirt, and it acts more like a skimpy bathing suit. She has to add three more layers. 

I actually bet if Sir Isaac applied the laws of motion to humans today, he’d have to add a whole slew of addendums and caveats, just to keep up.

P.S. As a complete aside, that rule about a body at rest wants to stay at rest…it definitely applies to spouses in recliners. 

Originally published in the January 27, 2022 Issue of Beyond the Nest‘s Free Weekly Newsletter.