What feels like a short, but was actually a long time ago, I had to close my business as I watched it crumble in the 2008 recession. With its downfall, I saw the loss of a significant investment as well as the hopes and dreams I’d fueled it with, over 70+ hours every week during more than two years. To say I was depressed and devastated would be an understatement. I kept that fact well-hidden from most people.
I suspect some of you reading this editorial may be in a similar place due to COVID and current events.
When I finally told one friend how the loss of my business was affecting me, he advised me to “buck up” and “move on.” I know he meant well, but his advice didn’t help. It actually made me feel worse, even ashamed, that I didn’t seem able to control my professional or my personal life.
I eventually did “buck up” and move on, but it took time, and a lot of soul searching.
The thing about emotions is that when they’re positive, people are delighted to celebrate with you. When your emotions take a turn to the dark side, some friends may avoid the subject (or you) altogether. Friends who truly want to help often try to get you to focus on what they perceive as “the bright side.” This strategy seldom works.
In the long run, the best way to deal with emotions, whether they’re positive or negative, is to honor them. Recognize that they are part of who, and where you are at the moment. And that reality will change in the near or distant future. Give yourself the time and space to feel, experience and honor your emotions–whether they’re feelings of success and happiness, or loss and sadness.
If your emotions are negative, never let anyone shame you for feeling that way. They are part of what it means to be truly human..
P.S. Also recognize that, if negative emotions are overwhelming and become more than you can handle on your own, it may be time to reach out for professional help. There is no shame in that either.
Originally published in the June 9 issue of Beyond the Nest
Out on a Limb 