This past week, I finally got the cast off my left arm. My bright purple cast was a nasty little souvenir from my trip (in more ways than one) to .NYC.

Remarking to my doctor that casts have been around since the ancient Egyptians, I wondered that the medical profession couldn’t come up with better advancements than neon colors and fiberglass. How about a little memory foam on the interior, for example?

“It’s been the longest six months of my life,”  I remarked.

“You mean weeks.”

“Maybe it was six weeks for you, but to me, it was more like six months. Not all time is equal.”

During that time, I quickly came to realize there are some things you can’t do at all with a cast on, and others which require innovation. For example, try explaining to your dentist how you chipped a tooth opening a Ziploc bag.

Or putting on a bra? Acrobatics and contortions like that deserve popcorn, elephants  and a ringside seat. I’d ask for my husband’s help, but after the second time when it took him longer than it took me, he aptly noted, “You know,. we men are better at taking them off than putting them on.” 

And did you know that autocorrect does not work with the dictation tool to replace computer typing? It misconstrues about 20% of the words you say directly into the microphone, but picks up, with 100% accuracy,  the profanity said by action characters on the TV show two rooms away. I have yet to figure out in what universe “obstacles” sounds like “testicles.” but apparently, in the land of dictation, it does. So if you recently received any “colorful” emails from me, blame it on Microsoft.

What I really did miss was the freedom of being able to drive myself places. That L-shaped purple  arm sticking out the drivers’ side window sent much too confusing a message when my blinker signaled a left hand turn.

But what I did not miss at all was housework, which was almost impossible with a cast . At first, I felt a little guilty about it, until I realized that over the course of doing those chores for almost 25 years of married life, I’ve earned six days, er, weeks off. 

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P.S. Alas…Apparently I missed my opportunity to bling out my cast, as seen on the Pinterest site Cast Bling. Who knew fiberglass casts would be the next artists’ canvas?

Originally published in the July 29 issue of Beyond the Nest.