| Have you ever noticed that between any couple, there’s usually one who more easily gains, and one who more easily loses weight? Recently, my husband has taken on the svelte appearance of his youth. I, on the other hand, could easily go as the Pillsbury Dough Girl for Halloween, especially in the aftermath of COVID (which I am, sadly, still using as an excuse). I wouldn’t mind quite so much if the excess padding caused me to bounce back up when I sit down, but those darn calories seem to work in reverse, actually keeping me glued to my chair. Honestly, it’s almost as if the weight my husband is shedding is planting itself on me. I’ve come up with a couple of theories to explain the phenomenon. There’s the distinct possibility that weight gets transferred like a cold when we kiss. Hmmm….I probably have to rule this out, or one among newlywed partners would, by default, be obese and the other, skinny as a rail. Another possibility is that calories are conducted through the mattress at night, like electricity, from his side of the bed to mine. Could it be they prefer my side because of the extra blankets I have piled on my side of the bed? Perhaps they, too, prefer the warmth. And that’s another thing! With my “extra insulation,” it just adds insult to injury that my husband walks around comfortably in shirt sleeves while I’m wearing more layers than a Siberian refugee! Considering my husband and I have essentially the same diet, the only other thing I can conclude is that calories actually swarm, unseen, in the air! Yes, I bet that’s it! Like the mosquitoes that find my husband irresistible but leave me alone, calories must have a reverse polarity to mosquitoes, preferring me to him! And because they’re unseen, you can’t even swat them away! The thing is, there are lots of brands of mosquito zappers and repellants around. Whoever invents the calorie zapper will be downright rich! |
Out on a Limb 