My husband and I are adoptive parents.  We met, courted and married in a mere 10 months. 

Getting pregnant proved not so easy.  After a year of anticipation, and because our time clock was on the 11th hour, we consulted a fertility specialist.  We were soon told our only option was an egg donor.  We chose to pursue adoption instead.

There were hiccups along the way – paperwork and adoption delays – but just over 2 years after we had begun the adoption process, we flew to China to pick up our amazing 9-month old twin daughters.

Last week, our beautiful, funny, smart, sweet little daughters turned 10 years old. They are our sunflowers and we agree it has been a most amazing journey.  

Because November is adoption month, I wanted to share the following advice for those of you considering adoption, in the hopes that you will decide to welcome a parentless child into your home, giving him or her a Forever Family.  It will be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.

1. Begin by reading several books about adoption – Most adoption books will walk you though many of the things you’ll want to consider (whether it’s right for you; the determinations you’ll need to make about adoption choices; how to choose an adoption facilitator, etc.).  Most offer a list of resources, but I have provided some below as well.
2. Attend a workshop offered by an organization that provides comprehensive adoption information. (In New York State, the Adoptive Parents Committee  offers a wonderful one-day conference each November. This year it’s on November 22 in Brooklyn, NY)  Many adoption agencies offer informational sessions as well.  Your state agency that handles adoption (see resources below) may be able to provide additional resources for workshops.
3. Speak with other adoptive parents to explore their experiences. Every adoption is unique.  By hearing many stories, you’ll have a better idea of  what to expect.
4. Investigate agencies and attorneys who handle adoption and get references.  Decide whether you want to work with an agency or an adoption attorney.   Do due diligence on the adoption organizations you are considering.  Have there been any complaints registered about them? Do they have age or financial parameters that might be restrictive?   Do they handle the type of adoptions you are considering?
5. Investigate your state’s requirements.  Each state has unique requirements. The  Child Welfare Information Gateway offers links to each state’s department that handles adoption.
6. Start making decisions about the direction you want to take. Do you want an open adoption where the birthparents can remain in the child’s life? (For international adoptions, this may not be possible)  Do you want a domestic or international adoption? Do you want a single child or would you welcome a sibling group?  Is an infant or older child right for you? Is a child with special needs right for your family?  Will your age limit which agencies and/or countries you can work with?
7. Begin collecting your pertinent information.  You’ll need things like birth certificates, tax returns, income statements and many more documents.  Many need to be notarized or verified in other ways. Be sure to check with the organization you’ll be working with to find out what is required. Get the documents together, organized in one place.  Get your home study(s) done early.
8. Investigate financial assistance for adoption, if needed.  Recognizing that adoption can be a financial strain, some companies offer financial help.  Grant funding may also be available (see below).
9. Prepare for the wait.  Some adoptions move quickly, others, especially international adoptions, can take multiple years. Your adoption facilitator should be able to give you an estimate of how long it will take.  But remember, you’re working with a bureacratic process and sometimes delays arise for no apparent reason. Keep yourself busy; read about adoption and adoptive families; Discover what adoptive children experience…But understand that each adoption is unique.  You can take guidance from others, but you’ll find your own path that feels right. 
10. Join an adoptive parents support group.  The experience of others who have adopted or are waiting will help answer questions and handle the stress. See “The Adoption Guide” below.
11. Your adoptive child will become your own.  If you have any hesitation about adopting because you wonder whether you can love a child you didn’t give birth to, I assure you, your adoptive child will be as much yours as a birth son or daughter.  He or she will simply be born of the heart rather than the womb.
12. Final Words.  No one else can tell you what is right for your family.  You will simply know it in your heart.  Sometimes when people learn of the adoption, they will comment on how lucky the child is.  In truth, you will be the lucky one.  Not a day will pass that you will not feel showered with blessings to have your adoptive child in your life.

There are many wonderful and legitimate adoption information resources available online.  Here are but a few:

• Adoption.com – Provides adoption information and a listing of organizations that offer adoption information and referrals.
• Adoption Agency Research Questionnaire – A form to download to interview agencies you’re considering for adoption.
• AdoptUSKids – National photolisting site for children awaiting adoption.
• Child Welfare Information Gateway – Provides state by state links for adoption information.
• Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption – Broad information including various types of adoption, financial assistance resources and legislative information.
• Gift of Adoption Funds – Makes grants available to families who may not otherwise be financially able to adopt.
• GuideStar – An online resource to investigate non-profit organization’s financial viability.
• Joint Council on International Children’s Services – Resource for families considering international adoption.
• North American Council on Adoptable Children – Information on adopting waiting children.
• The Adoption Guide – State by State guide on Adoption Parenting Support Groups.

If you know of other great adoption resources, won’t you please share them with our readers?  Thank you!

Many thanks for these resources shared by my Readers:

• Shared by Sarah C.: Nov. 14, 2009 – 18th Annual Conference by the Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center-Creating Kin: Forever Families Through Adoption.  Taking place near Rochester, NY. from 8AM-4PM.
• Shared by Michelle Ashby – A free booklet created by Michelle and her husband to help those who have experienced failed adoptions address and overcome their grief.