Some have suggested man’s oldest survival mechanism is his skill at hunting.  Others have stated it’s his ability to adapt.  A few credit his “fight or flee” response.

I have finally figured it out.  There’s no doubt that man’s oldest survival mechanism is his tendancy to snore.  Here’s how I figured this out.

I’d known Patrick since we were six, which, let’s just say is a long time even in dog years.

When I gave up the joys of retailing and moved from Philadelphia to New York City, he and I roomed together in Astoria.

For a little over a year, Patrick and I shared an affordable little apartment, conveniently located near a good Archie Bunker kind of corner bar, a Greek pizza parlor and a subway stop that offered mostly-quick trips into Manhattan.

Besides sharing an apartment, Patrick and I also shared opposite sides of a bedroom wall.

The one thing that puzzled me about this apartment was why, at night, the rumble and vibrations of the subway resonated so much more.

Did the night air magnify the sound and tremors?  Was there  less city noise and movement to muffle it?  Maybe I simply noticed it more because I was, well, home.

I wondered about this until the first time Patrick fell asleep on the living room couch.

His snoring hit 6.8 on the Richter Scale. The downstairs neighbors asked what construction was being done in the living room. We had to replace or renail seven floor boards the next morning.

Since then, I’ve come to realize snoring is a survival mechanism.

What?  You’re skeptical?  Just think about it.

Imagine our early ancestors: by day, a silent, stealthy and lethal predator, aggresively tracking down game for the slaughter in order to be welcomed home as the breadwinning hero.

But at night, the tables are turned.  The predator becomes the hunted, vulnerable to the marauders of the night who would wrest him, slumbering, from his bedding.

This is when snoring becomes a defensive tool.  Just envision a whole encampment of hunters, exhausted from the day’s hunt, groggy from the night’s imbibing, sending out raucous shock waves resonating from their nasal cavities.  Why, night predators must have thought the T-Rex still reigned.

Once safely back in the comfort’s of his home, man’s snoring played another important role in his survival…awakening his spouse.

Now she’s been home, sleeping soundly alone for days, weeks, months, maybe even close to a year.  Suddenly, he arrives home and with him comes his sonorous snoring threatening to bring the roof down.

She has two choices.  Hit him to get him to stop.  Or wake him up for a procreative romp in the hay.  Which would you choose?

So ladies, the next time your guy’s snoring is keeping you awake and you want to womp him, think about how our female ancestors would have handled this.  And remember… if it wasn’t for this early survival mechanism, we might not even be here now!

Copyright 2009©CarolWhiteLlewellyn